I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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