I hate your face
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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