he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
