Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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