i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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