nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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