i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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