bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
