The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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