so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
