We're facebook friends in real life
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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