when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
