All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
