Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
