Having a random hookup so left but love u
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
