chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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