I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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