you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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