So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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