Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
