Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
