i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
