I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
