I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
