i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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