My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
