Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
