I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
