8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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