I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
