I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
