that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
