You just made me feel so damn special
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
