I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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