i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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