After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
