hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
