high people should be assigned attendants
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
