hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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