Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
