yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
