well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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