Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
