I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
