i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
