mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
