why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
