i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
