6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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