Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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