he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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