It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
